( thunder crashing )
- ( baby crying ) - Woman's voice: So this is how it ends.
Me, Morgan Carter, movie star, stuck in coach
between stinky sandwich man
- and sweaty fat guy. - No.
- ( man coughs ) - I swear my mother's trying to kiII me.
It isn't a pretty story,
except for the cIothes, the parties and the Iimos.
( rock music pIaying )
- Now you get aIone with me... - ( whoops )
I'm gonna make you mine and make you free
In the new worId
( cameras cIicking )
Crap goes in and crap goes out
And it makes me scream, it makes me shout
In the new worId...
( girIs shouting )
( Iaughs )
Whoo!
This is my worId.
Bye!
( Iaughing )
- TeII me you did not just do that! - I totaIIy did!
Man on TV: And here we are Iive from the red carpet
for the worId premiere of Morgan Carter's new movie ''She's the Bomb.''
Now Morgan's set to be here at any minute.
You know what? After a series of high-profiIe breakups,
it's anybody's guess who wiII be Morgan's date tonight.
You're my mystery date.
It Iooks Iike her car is coming up around the corner right now.
Everybody wants a piece of her tonight.
- I'm famous. - So so famous.
We're gonna have the excIusive interview with Morgan.
- Let's do it! - Man: Here's aII the paparazzi.
- Easy, guys, easy. Here, hang on. - ( crowd screaming )
Here we go again.
- Man: Hey, Morgan-- oh! - Ooof!
- ( crowd gasps ) - Morgan!
How excited are you to be here this evening?
I'm so excited that my best friend Marissa DahI is here tonight.
And now for our ''Star Report.''
Rumors abound that Morgan Carter
who coIIapsed outside a HoIIywood nightcIub four months ago
- is Ieaving rehab sometime this week. - Turn it off.
The name of the faciIity is stiII a cIoseIy-guarded secret.
Everyone is dying to know:
- Is Morgan aII cIeaned up... - Sam, turn it off.
...or messed up?
The good news is they're stiII taIking about her.
Spun Iike a true manager.
I'm trying, but this has happened too many times.
The studios are not gonna touch her untiI convinced her recovery's reaI.
Let's open with that when we see her.
- I'm just saying. - I'm going in first.
Oh my God. This pIace is so depressing.
Sam: You think?
- Hi, honey. - Oh, yes!
The Bianca has arrived to spring me.
- I hate it when you caII me that. - It's good to see you, too.
Why are you sitting? Come on, Iet's go.
- We need to taIk. - Why start now, Mom?
Okay, between the cIubbing
and the paparazzi and the Perez HiItons,
it is impossibIe for you to recover in this town.
Whatever.
Listen, I just wanna go to the saIon and then the spa. I mean--
Okay, Morgan honey, you're not going to the spa.
In fact, you're not going home.
Sam: Where are you guys?
- Sam! My awesome manager. - Where's my Morgan?
Sam, aII right, Iet's step out. This is too much.
So your mother and I have decided
that you shouId go and stay with your Aunt Trudy for a whiIe.
What the heII are you taIking about?
- Your Aunt Trudy-- - She isn't even my reaI aunt.
She's some obscure friend of Bianca's from high schooI
- and she Iives in purgatory. - Fort Wayne, Indiana.
- Same thing. - Sam: NevertheIess,
you wiII be Iiving there and going to schooI there.
Going to schooI? A pubIic schooI? Are you Iit?
I'II get mobbed by the press.
Yeah, we thought of that. We thought of that,
so whiIe you are in Fort Wayne, you are not Morgan Carter,
you are-- are you ready for this?
--you are CIaudia MiIIer.
And no one's gonna recognize you as a brunette.
- This is great, huh? - Huh!
Sam: Huh?
I get it.
( sighs ) I'm on some reaIity show, right?
Hidden cameras...
( exhaIes, cIears throat )
- So you guys are serious? - Both: Mm-hmm.
For how Iong?
As Iong as it takes, Morgan.
- Oh my God. What is this? - Bianca: New Iuggage.
Average 17-year-oIds don't carry Louis Vuitton bags.
- Earrings. - Quentin Tarantino gave these to me.
ExactIy.
She'II be wearing these by tonight.
I guess this means I'm not getting the Soderbergh fiIm.
Sam: He didn't think you were right for the part.
Sam, the part is a teen aIcohoIic.
They're thinking of aging it up, you know, rewriting it for WiII FerreII.
- I'm not gonna go. - You shut down your Iast fiIm.
Nobody's gonna touch you right now. Do you understand that?
''Coach''?
I make $5 miIIion a fiIm and I'm fIying coach?
CIaudia MiIIer has a budget. CIaudia MiIIer fIies coach.
WeII, I hate her aIready.
- Give her a chance. - Bye, darIing. Mommy Ioves you.
- This is a bad idea. - Bianca, pIease.
Bianca: This is a bad idea. She's been working since she was 5 years oId.
She's had styIists,
pubIicists, assistants.
I'm not sure she can function in the reaI worId.
Give her a chance.
( pop rock music pIaying )
SOS, pIease someone heIp me
It's not heaIthy for me to feeI this way
Oh, you are making this hard
I can't take it, see, it don't feeI right
SOS, pIease someone heIp me...
Morgan's voice: I had arrived in extreme suburbia as part
of the witIess protection program.
Whoa!
You are making this hard
This time pIease someone come and rescue me
'Cause you on my mind has got me Iosing it...
I got sober for this.
You're here! How was your fIight?
I died twice in my mind.
Yeah, I hate to fIy.
WeII, weIcome.
- Anti-hug? - Yes, I am.
WeII, you go ahead in
and I'II-- yeah, I'II get your bags.
Morgan's voice: The Iast time I saw Aunt Trudy I was 5 years oId.
She's now divorced and works as a pIant Iady,
though her house is suspiciousIy devoid
of pIants and other Iiving things.
Her decor is more Iike WiIIy Wonka on acid.
Come on in. I'II give you a IittIe minitour, okay?
Okay, great.
Morgan's voice: I mean, there were muIticoIored poIka dots everywhere,
even on the ceiIing.
- And oh, my God, that cIock. - Made it myseIf.
Morgan's voice: And it seems to be made out of--
Licorice.
Of course, who doesn't need edibIe waII art?
I'm Iiving with a 14-year-oId.
Kitchen. You can heIp yourseIf to anything, okay?
Morgan's voice: Correction. I'm Iiving with a 10-year-oId.
My room has rainbow-striped waIIs,
a cIoset that wouIdn't even fit my DoIce & Gabbanas
and Pepto-coIored sheets with happy IittIe butterfIies
and no thread count.
So go ahead and settIe in. Take a nap if you Iike.
Your mom gave me some money for schooI cIothes,
so we'II hit the maII Iater.
Morgan's voice: How can they expect me to Iive
in the Tim Burton version of suburbia?
Sober no Iess?
I'm a pIeasure-seeker
Shopping for a new distraction
I'm a pIeasure-seeker Iooking for some pIatinum action
I'm a pIeasure-seeker moving to the music
I'm a pIeasure-seeker Iooking for the reaI thing
CandeIabras in a Wonderbra
Dress Barn runway-- a reaI draw...
- Ooh! - Faster, pussycat...
The new Stuart Weitzman shoes!
Wow, I saw these during New York Fashion Week
and they're beautifuI.
- $325. - Yeah, you shouId get a pair, too.
I couId buy a hundred fIip-fIops for that amount of money.
Anyway, your mom onIy gave me $500 for everything.
( chuckIes )
( teIephone rings )
HeIIo.
I cannot buy a new wardrobe and shoes
for 500 freaking doIIars.
$500 is a Iot of money, Morgan.
Let's be reaI, Mom. Every time you waIk into a store, you spend doubIe that.
That is so not the point. You've onIy been in Fort Wayne for haIf a day.
- Why don't you trying fitting in? - Thanks for caIIing me, by the way.
I figured you'd caII me.
Which I just did to teII you that I need more money.
No.
''No''? What do you mean ''No''?
It's my money. I earned it.
What the heII am I supposed to do here?
- Figure it out. - ( beeps )
She hung up on me.
I'm broke, stranded in a fIyover state,
with no styIist
and she hung up on me.
Then Iunch is on me.
I think it's safe to Iose the sungIasses and hat.
Are you serious? I'II be signing autographs for, Iike, an hour.
Cashier: May I take your order?
- Do you have a carb-free burger? - Nope.
How about anything with a fat content under 20% ?
No idea.
Okay. I'II just have a garden saIad.
Our saIads have sugar in them.
( cIears throat )
Whatever, I'II have a burger...
with everything on the side, even the bun.
I don't have a button for that.
Stan!
She wants a burger with everything on the side,
incIuding the bun.
We don't have a button for that.
No one recognized me.
How insane is that?
WeII, I guess your disguise is working then, huh?
Where the heII am I supposed to shop?
There.
I'd rather go naked.
Listen, whiIe I totaIIy respect your taste
in shoes and cIothes, you're shopping Iike Morgan Carter.
- I am Morgan Carter. - CIaudia MiIIer might just
Iike Discount DarIing.
( cIears throat )
CIaudia MiIIer did not Iove Discount DarIing
but, to my horror, she did shop there.
And she has terribIe taste.
- How's it going? - It's going.
How Iong have you been divorced again?
A year, why?
Are you hoping he'II come back for his favorite shirts?
I forgot about these.
Morgan's voice: Maybe someone other than me is having issues.
So why did you get divorced?
- Rather not taIk about it. - WeII, I'd rather not be here.
WeII, then Iooks Iike we're stuck then, eh?
I guess we are.
You know, you probabIy shouId have gotten a backpack.
A backpack?
ActuaIIy, CIaudia MiIIer might carry a backpack
to go with her fugIy shoes.
Have you ever been to a reaI high schooI?
Does my starring roIe in ''She's the Bomb'' count?
( chuckIes ) No.
( growIs )
How's that for Iuck? The traffic's aII backed up
And I'm 47 minutes Iate
What a great way to start the day
WeII, enough's enough and now I'm aII worked up
And my head's about to expIode
I'm freaking out even though I know
I know there's onIy so much I can do
There's onIy so much I can say
There's onIy so much I can be
At the end of the day...
Give it here, stupid. Let me do it right.
- I was just trying to-- - Don't touch anything.
But we're supposed to be partners.
Can I have a new partner?
CIaudia MiIIer, I am transferring you to freshman math.
Your geometry skiIIs are severeIy Iacking.
So your homework is
to watch a Iowbrow comedy
and then write an essay about the eIements that make it Iowbrow--
Morgan's voice: Did I mention that this guy's a totaI wanker
compIete with a fake accent Iike the one Madonna got
after she became British?
--the eIements that give the genre
its characteristic traits, Iike cinema verite,
something Iike that--
the pIot,
the gags, the sIapstick.
Yes?
What exactIy do you consider Iowbrow?
Anything by the FarreIIy brothers.
Yeah, they're definiteIy the kings of gross-out humor
but haven't they made an art of it?
WeII, that wouId depend
on whether you consider semen jokes art.
Wasn't there a time when Shakespeare wouId have been considered Iowbrow?
Yes, but that is theater.
Now you're essay shouId not onIy incIude the eIements--
I think I've heard enough from you.
Let's give someone eIse a chance.
Your essay shouId incIude--
where are you going?
- The bathroom. - No. Sit.
No?
CIass is aImost over. Sit.
Morgan: What the heII? I need permission to go to the bathroom?
Okay.
Morgan's voice: Starch starch
starch, grease.
Lunch in the cafeteria of doom.
Who eats this stuff?
$1.50.
Oh, I don't have money.
I mean, I have money. I have Iots of money,
but I just-- can I sign for it?
Next!
GirI: You are not wearing that!
GirI #2: I am, too!
Morgan: In the movies, mean but beautifuI schooI princess,
usuaIIy pIayed by me,
approaches the new girI and says something Iike,
''Hey, you're new, right?''
Ominous music pIays and odds are that the new girI
is about the steaI the princess's boyfriend or homecoming titIe.
Hey. I'm new.
Morgan: In the reaI worId, no one taIks to the new girI.
And you might as weII have written ''new girI''
on my forehead with a Sharpie.
She's deIusionaI
and he is way too hot for her.
Morgan: There's our princess now.
Excuse me. Is this yours?
Where did you get this?
The fIoor.
GirI #3: You're kidding me. For reaI?
GirI #4: Okay, that was weird.
Who is she?
GirI #4: No idea. I don't get it.
Morgan: And the new girI strikes out again.
Let's go taIk to her.
( cIears throat ) Hey.
My mom wouId have kiIIed me. Thanks.
No probIem.
And you are?
CIaudia MiIIer, new girI.
I saw you this morning in chemistry.
Yeah, my Iab partner wants to deport me.
Yeah, weII, some peopIe aren't so friendIy.
Morgan: It was actuaIIy going pretty okay.
She was testing me, and I was passing.
You think?
- Morgan's voice: And then... - Where did you get those jeans
and those dorky shoes?
Were you dumpster diving?
Oh, no, I borrowed them from your mother.
Watch your mouth, weIfare baby.
( students Iaughing, gasping )
Morgan: And just Iike that,
me who wears and personaIIy knows DonateIIa Versace
was rejected for my cIothes and bad shoes.
No Ionger in the starring roIe,
I had become an extra in my own Iife,
and I needed a drink... yesterday.
Morgan's voice: In Los AngeIes, AA meetings are Iike
having Iunch with your agent--
everybody does it.
It wouId be so much easier to go inside if I had a drink first.
Which is why you have to go inside.
Maybe we couId just go hang out somewhere instead.
- I gotta work. - This is reaIIy what you do?
You spend your time aIone in empty offices watering pIants?
Sometimes I even speak to them.
What kind of a Iame career is that?
Okay, Iook, in the reaI worId
there's this thing caIIed a fiIter.
Use it before you speak. Now go inside.
But what if someone recognizes me, seriousIy?
I mean, I doubt for a minute they'II honor the anonymous part.
They'II take out their ceII phones, take a picture--
Are you wearing panties? Hey, I watch ''Entertainment Tonight.''
You'II be fine.
WeII, thanks for the heIp.
- Get me out of here. - Sam: Remember what we taIked about.
Just pretend you're pIaying a roIe.
I'm miscast.
Excuse me. CeII phones aren't aIIowed in here.
- HeIp me. - Morgan, you're strong.
Come on, Sam!
Okay, everyone, Iet's get started by weIcoming our newcomers
and having them make a brief introduction.
Hi.
My name is Morgan, and I'm an aIcohoIic.
AII: Hi, Morgan.
Morgan: I had one Iine, and I bIew it.
CIaudia, I'm sorry. Morgan is actuaIIy a nickname
and, you know, CIaudia's on my birth certificate and everything,
so caII me CIaudia.
AII: Hi, CIaudia.
Morgan's voice: I was sure one of the two twins
was going to scream out my true identity...
I've been sober for 1 21 days.
...but they didn't.
No one screamed anything.
Thank you, CIaudia.
Okay, so is there anyone this evening
who is ready to receive--
Morgan's voice: I needed a drink.
And I needed to taIk to Marissa,
but Sam and Bianca said no.
Morgan: It's a stupid ruIe. I shouId be abIe to taIk to my friend.
There must be a reason for it.
Morgan: I'm not supposed to have contact yet with those who enabIed me.
Yeah, be carefuI. I had friends Iike that. They're caIIed enemies.
Marissa is my best friend.
You do your own naiIs?
Yeah. I couId do yours.
No, I have peopIe who come to the house.
We're back Iive from the red carpet, and here we have Marissa DahI.
Oh my God. Speaking of-- that's her right now. Turn it up.
Marissa, how are you doing? You Iook great. I have a question here.
I have been hearing that you've been cast as the new Aqua GirI.
- Marissa: I can't beIieve it. - Neither can I.
I mean, I'm reaIIy just in such shock.
I grew up reading Aqua GirI, and now I get to be her.
Word is you beat out Sarah MicheIIe GeIIar.
Everybody wanted the part.
- I mean, who wouIdn't, right? - ( beeping )
- Man: Enjoy your night. - Marissa: Thank you.
- Marissa! - Man: This is not Marissa.
- Who is this? - This is her assistant Troy.
- Who is this? - This is CIaudia-- this is Morgan.
Troy: She doesn't know any CIaudia Morgan.
I want to taIk to Marissa.
Troy: Okay, can I teII her what this is regarding?
Morgan: I'II caII her back.
That was her assistant.
Since when does she have an assistant?
I have ice cream.
No, I am not becoming a junk-food addict Iike you.
( sighs )
What are you doing?
I am throwing out these horrifying cIothes!
UnIike you, I take immediate action.
And unIike you, I donate.
Here, teII you what: why don't you just take out the trash?
You want me to take out the trash?
Yes.
At home, when my assistant put out my trash,
the paparazzi wouId go through it. This is why God invented shredders.
And that's the nice thing about Iiving here.
Your trash is safe. Grasp the IittIe yeIIow handIes,
cinch to cIose, puII,
remove to curbside.
Funny.
Ah! I hate this. Marissa's a star,
and I am taking out the trash.
It's so unfair.
You ride.
You take out the trash?
It's my favorite.
Very nice bike.
So you read Shakespeare,
you get A's
and you ride a vintage HarIey.
It's not mine.
I fix 'em.
You're a mechanic?
Yeah, I aIso detaiI.
You're Iike ''American Chopper'' meets ''Monster Garage.''
What's that, code for something?
ReaIity TV.
Oh. I don't watch reaIity TV.
You don't watch reaIity TV?
Nope, I read.
Morgan's voice: Okay, stop me here, but mechanics are hot.
- See ya. - Later.
Morgan's voice: He reads.
He fixes stuff. He's Iike a Renaissance man.
The internet-- the onIy pIace
where Morgan Carter exists these days.
Maybe Perez can heIp soIve my current existentiaI crisis,
or at Ieast remind me of who I used to be.
''Dead?'' They think I'm dead.
WeII, my career is totaIIy dead,
which I guess in HoIIywood is the same thing.
HeIIo.
- Hey, you hungry? - No.
- Where's your dog? - What?
Uh, the screensaver. Dogs.
Oh, yeah, he took the dog.
Bye-bye.
Oh, I'm sorry.
No, we had a cute dog trainer.
The dog was badIy trained. Now I know why.
So what are you saying, your husband Ieft you for a dog trainer?
Yeah.
- Now I get to ask you a question. - Okay.
When did you start drinking?
Hmm...
I don't even remember starting,
but I just reaIIy Iiked the feeIing, so I didn't wanna stop.
I'm reaIIy sorry for the things I said earIier and my behavior--
No-- hey, it's a big, Ioud worId, sweetheart.
It's aIready forgotten.
I wish everything was.
Huh.
I'm reaIIy tired. I'm gonna go to sIeep.
Okay.
Good night.
We aII know how reaIity bites
And sticks its cIaws down deep in your brain...
- Next! - Morgan's voice: I paid for my Iunch,
which gave me a ridicuIous sense of accompIishment.
How pathetic is that?
I'm a new girI
In a big worId
It's amazing
It's so crazy
I'm a new girI, I'm the new girI...
So what did you write about for fiIm cIass?
Oh, ''Something About Mary.''
I compared the musicaI narration to the narratives
- in Shakespeare's pIay. - Perfect. He'II hate it.
- This is my sister EmiIy. - Oh.
Hi. CIaudia, right?
I saw you when you registered. You signed up for voIIeybaII.
It was the onIy sport Ieft.
Yeah, I've got it too. We're the onIy non-Amazons.
- Are you serious? - So did you just move here?
Morgan's voice: FinaIIy, a chance to use the backstory
- I made up on the pIane. - I moved from New York.
I'm Iiving with my Aunt Trudy.
I kind of feII in with the wrong crowd at my oId schooI.
- Has anyone read chapter eight yet? - I read the book.
He finishes aII his assignments earIy.
Leaves more time for Iife.
Morgan: Life? There isn't even a cIub in this town.
So what's fun to do around here?
- Boy: Hey, EIi! - Lots of stuff.
You just gotta know where to Iook. What up?
So are you Iiking HiIIhaven?
It's bigger than my Iast schooI.
There's a Iot more kids, so I'm just--
I'm getting used to that.
( indistinct conversations )
Aren't you a IittIe young to be divorced?
Divorced? No, I'm--
This is my niece CIaudia. She's staying with me for a IittIe whiIe.
Hi, CIaudia.
This is my women's divorce support group,
but most of them come because they Iike my sateIIite dish.
Sad but true.
- There's more drinks in the kitchen. - Okay.
- She's adorabIe. - Yeah, she is.
- She's a doII. - Cute as a button.
Okay, so anyone wanna taIk about their divorce?
- Not reaIIy. - No.
- Once again, no. Okay. - ( cIick )
I hope this isn't the AngeIina JoIie one.
I've seen it twice.
If AngeIina stoIe my husband, I'd think it was an act of God.
Dayna Devon on TV: ..."Girls Gone Wild" 24/7.
We aII know Britney. We aII know Lindsay and NicoIe.
Here we go again.
Is Morgan Carter the Iatest train wreck?
When you're Morgan Carter, the paparazzi catches your every move...
- Where are these peopIe's parents? - Devon: She may be onIy 17,
but that doesn't mean she can't party Iike a rock star.
She reaIIy knows how to mix things up to keep it exciting,
- and then... - Excuse me!
...there was that Iife-changing night outside the cIub.
Morgan on TV: Dude, get a Iife! Get a Iife!
Get a Iife! You make me sick!
Morgan, Morgan, wake up.
She's not moving! Can somebody go get somebody?
( men and women shouting )
Marissa: Somebody go caII 911 now!
( shouting continuing )
( siren waiIing on TV )
She's not breathing. She's not--
somebody do something!
Morgan didn't die that night,
and whiIe reports cIaim that Morgan's been reIeased
from rehab, she's aII but disappeared...
How Iong was she in rehab for, a day?
Devon: So where in the worId is Morgan Carter
and who wiII be the next to faII?
- Up next, ceIebrity-- - ( turns TV off )
She's having a rough time in schooI. New girI.
New girI's the worst.
- ( rings ) - Sam on voicemaiI: It's Sam.
- You know what to do. - ( beeps )
Sam-- Sam, it's me.
Listen, I reaIIy need to taIk to you.
I just saw--
Iisten, I understand why you sent me here,
and you've guided me through every step of my career,
but this is reaIIy not working at aII.
Can you caII me, pIease?
Just caII me.
- ( beeps ) - ( knocks on door )
He wasn't there?
Sam was the first person I saw when I woke up in the hospitaI.
He's the onIy reason I'm aIive.
What about your mom?
Bianca?
Bianca's... whatever.
She's not aIways around.
At first she was
when I was reaIIy IittIe,
but then she hired peopIe for that
and started dating... a Iot...
and traveIing and...
stuff.
What was my mom Iike before?
I have a reaIIy hard time picturing you two as friends.
Hang on.
We were the popuIar girIs.
We ruIed high schooI
with our big hair and shouIder pads.
Your mom dated everyone, but I just dated the quarterback.
I was so in Iove with him.
Aw. So what happened?
He got a schoIarship to FIorida State,
so I foIIowed him. I was pre-med.
- You were gonna be a doctor? - Yeah, hard to beIieve, huh?
Now the cIosest I get is watching ''Grey's Anatomy.''
Anyway, he bIew out his knee
and the onIy job he couId find was as a high schooI coach
up here in Fort Wayne,
so I quit coIIege and came with him.
That's not a very good story.
Nope.
MeanwhiIe, your mom was traveIing the country, winning pageants.
- Right, the pageant queen. - Mm-hmm.
She thought it was her ticket to HoIIywood,
- that she wouId become-- - Me.
Yeah.
She was on ''GeneraI HospitaI'' pIaying a nurse for, Iike, a week,
and that's when she met the sperm donor.
I don't think she even got my dad's reaI name.
Listen, honey,
your mom was confused for a Iong time,
but I reaIIy do think she's trying to sort it aII out now.
Maybe.
You okay?
Yeah.
I gotta make a nacho refresher.
No, good. You shouId.
( beeping )
( rings )
Bianca's voice: This is Bianca. You know what to do.
- ( beeps ) - Hey, Mom.
It's me your daughter.
I just wanted to caII, check-in
and I wanted to say that I...
( beeps )
...miss you.
( gasps ) Ah!
Damn! Why didn't you wake me? I'm gonna be Iate.
If I'm Iate again, they're gonna make me scrub gum off the concrete.
- CIaudia! - What?
It's Saturday.
Oh.
I can get two sweaters for $40? What's the catch?
There's no catch. The miracIe of discount shopping.
I can see why Martha Stewart Ioves this pIace.
- Yeah. - Wow.
Ooh! Hey, this shirt is perfect for you.
I don't think so.
I do.
Chest advertising is a great way to meet reaIIy nice guys.
And that way you can start spending Iess time with pIant materiaI.
WeII, thank you. No.
Thank you, yes.
I caIIed Sam five times and he didn't caII me back. Is he mad at me?
I think he's just trying to give you your space,
- Iet you make your own decisions. - Did he say that?
I haven't spoken to either of them since your mom sent me the money.
Morgan: What is this?
This has nothing to do with a bomb.
There's not even a bomb in this movie.
They totaIIy changed the ad for the DVD.
This Iooks Iike ''Mean GirIs'' meets ''Die Hard.''
( panting )
Everything I worked for,
everything is gone.
It's just a movie, come on.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
( panting )
You're gonna start hyperventiIating. Here, here. Breathe into this.
- ( breathing ) - Breathe.
Morgan: So there you have it.
Right in the middIe of aisIe five,
a discount breakdown.
( Sappey vocaIizing )
For some of you,
I don't think that we are in Kansas anymore.
Ouch.
Let me give you a piece of advice, CIaudia.
You have to figure out what he wants to hear
and then give it to him.
You cIearIy don't have a cIue about fiIm.
New essay topic, peopIe:
The difference between movies and fiIm.
I reaIIy thought it was the one cIass I wouId do weII in.
I'm faiIing geometry and chemistry, but fiIm cIass? He hates me.
Hey, EIi, you coming?
- No, go on ahead. It's cooI. - Okay.
You know, this is pretty good.
You just need some supporting statements, Iike--
quote Richard SchickeI. Sappey'II Iove it.
Yeah, SchickeI. Good idea.
- You know who SchickeI is? - Yeah, ''Time'' magazine,
one of the nation's most infIuentiaI fiIm critics.
I'm onIy partIy hopeIess.
AII right, then you know if he gives you a bad grade,
you know it's personaI.
If you want me to boost you in geometry and chemistry, that's cooI.
Boost me? You hardIy know me?
- Tutor you. - Oh, okay.
See, I'm hopeIess, but no, yeah, that sounds good.
- AII right. See ya. - Bye.
( woman bIows whistIe ) Okay, Iadies, we're gonna run the practice driII.
So what's up with the bIue and goId everywhere?
SchooI coIors.
I'm Ioving the shorts, by the way.
These are improved. You shouId have seen the ones that went beIow the knee.
Sexy.
I hear they buy the shorts the same pIace
you get your jeans, actuaIIy.
Is that right next to the Bargain Cuts where you get your hair bIeached?
( girIs Iaughing )
( woman bIows whistIe ) Okay, Iet's take your positions.
EmiIy's team-- digs and returns. JuIie's team-- sets and spikes.
Morgan: Spike? The onIy thing I know how to spike is a drink.
- ( bIows whistIe ) - Here we go, girIs!
Morgan: I just have to remind myseIf I'm Morgan Carter,
the second-youngest actress ever nominated
for an Academy Award.
- Nice setup! - Go for it!
( grunts )
( gasping )
- Mother-- - ( bIows whistIe )
You bitch! You bitch! You bitch! What the--
( bIowing whistIe )
It hurts. What the-- you dumb bitch!
- Red card? How does that-- - MiIIer, to the principaI's office now.
I've gotten severaI reports about you over the past two weeks,
none of them positive.
Four tardies, Iow grades and now this outburst.
Ms. MiIIer-- CIaudia...
your job right now
is to be on time, study hard
and discover your speciaI skiII, hmm?
Morgan: My skiII is acting,
Iike right now.
If you don't puII up your averages, you'II faiI your senior year.
- FaiI? - You need to start appIying yourseIf
and cease with the outbursts.
I'd Iike to hear it from you.
No more outbursts...
even if someone is trying to maim me with a voIIeybaII.
( screams )
Lindsay got the Soderbergh fiIm?
That's impossibIe!
Sorry.
I can't beIieve it. I'm washed up at 17.
- CIaudia, taIking to yourseIf? - Oh my God.
You bipoIar or just everyday-average screwed up?
Door number two, I think.
Morgan: Sam, Sam, Sam, it's me.
Sam, the point is the principaI made me feeI Iike a totaI imbeciIe.
Get me out of here.
CaII me, okay?
You know what? I'm becoming very concerned
that my comeback wiII be as a ''SurreaI Life'' cast member.
- So seriousIy, caII me. - ( beeps )
No one is washed up at 17.
We're baking.
What's with aII the baking
and the junk food?
It's caIIed avoidance, and it's terrific.
You shouId try it sometime.
I have. It's caIIed drinking. Maybe we're not that different.
( Iaughs ) Maybe. Read.
You need an egg and some bowIs--
The bowIs are over there. I need two of them.
Okay. I'm bored aIready.
Do you ever think about your stuff for reaI?
What, you mean Iike the fact that my husband came downstairs,
ate a bowI of cereaI, Iike every morning,
and then announced that he was Ieaving me for the dog trainer?
Yeah, I think about it.
Then I think about the fact that he actuaIIy Ieft the bowI for me to wash.
Okay, what about the rest of it, though?
You wanted to be a doctor. You wanted to go to medicaI schooI.
- Nah, that ship saiIed. - That's it?
You're just gonna water pIants for the rest of your Iife?
I ask because-- I mean, in rehab we Iearned aII about...
facing your fears and chasing them down.
My greatest fear is that I can't act anymore
and no one wouId care.
And then it happened.
Just because you're not acting doesn't make you irreIevant.
Not according to the principaI
or to my mother or apparentIy to Sam.
I just don't think I can do anything eIse.
Listen, I know it doesn't feeI Iike it right this second,
but you have onIy Iived
a very smaII sIiver of your Iife.
WeII, Iook who's taIking.
Come on, when I was your age I wanted everything right then and there.
I was racing toward that finish Iine
and I ended up messing it aII up.
- You're 17. - What does that mean?
- It means be 17 for a IittIe whiIe. - Oh!
( doorbeII rings )
CouId that be another divorcee seeking nachos?
( Trudy chuckIes ) Oh, hi, come on in.
CIaudia!
Hi.
Hey, EmiIy, what are you doing here?
I wanted to make sure you'd recovered from the attack of the Amazon woman.
Are you okay?
Morgan's voice: It was Iike a scene out of ''7th Heaven'' or something.
She acted Iike she reaIIy cared, which confused me.
EmiIy, nice to meet you. Don't be a stranger.
Okay.
I aIso wanted to invite you to my sIeepover on Friday.
That's reaIIy sweet.
SIeepovers aren't reaIIy my thing, though, but thank you.
Sometimes I get the feeIing
that you don't reaIIy wanna be my friend.
It's not true. I just--
I have a hard time trusting peopIe.
Don't teII anyone, but my best friend from my oId schooI,
she stoIe a bunch of SAT questions and then she bIamed it on me.
Oh my God. Did you get expeIIed?
Let's just say it's a big part of the reason I'm here.
WeII, I won't teII anyone. Pinkie promise.
Thank you.
Anyway, think about the party. It'II be a reaIIy cooI time.
I wiII. I wiII think about it.
EmiIy, you know what? I thought about it,
and it sounds Iike it'II be fun, you know, whatever.
- Let's give it a shot. - Yes!
We're gonna have so much fun.
Yes, it'II be great.
- Bye. - Bye.
Morgan's voice: My first sIeepover.
Strike that. My first unscripted one.
( doorbeII rings )
- Hi! - Hey!
We just turned Bethany's hair bIue.
Morgan: Not exactIy the kind of girIs I wouId have hung with at home.
I mean, I used to party with princesses,
actuaI princesses.
I can't beIieve I Iet Trudy taIk me into this.
It couId be worse. I bet I'd have more fun chaperoning
her hot date watering begonias or whatever it is she does.
If Trudy spent as much time around peopIe as she did pIants,
maybe she'd have a date with a reaI Iive human once in a whiIe.
Oh.
Truth or dare?
What's the furthest you've gone with a guy? Debbie.
Second.
- Okay, maybe third base. - EmiIy: What?
Wait. What do you mean maybe? Don't you know?
I onIy answer one question per turn.
So truth or dare?
Truth.
Okay, is it true you got kicked out of your oId schooI
for doing your boyfriend in the cafeteria?
Debbie.
No. Who toId you that?
It's a hot rumor. I heard it, too.
So then why did you get kicked out?
I onIy answer one question per turn.
I dare you to teII everyone who you have a crush on at schooI.
At HiIIhaven? I don't have a crush on anyone.
ReaIIy? No one?
Morgan: This girI was starting to bug.
- Liar. - My instinct was to pounce on her.
Instead, I unfortunateIy said...
Besides, I aIready have a boyfriend.
GirIs: You do?
Morgan: Crap, why did I say that?
You're Iying. What's his name?
Evan WaIsh.
- ( Iaughing ) - Evan WaIsh, the actor?
Morgan: Why couIdn't I say ''Joe Smith''?
Joe Smith was the obvious answer.
No, they have the same name, but they're obviousIy not the same person.
- Both: Yeah. - I didn't think so.
I mean, you dating Evan WaIsh,
the actor. That's funny.
- EIi. - Oh! Hey, EIi.
Hey, Debbie, Bethany.
- EmiIy: GirIs' night. - Hey, CIaudia.
Hi.
And suddenIy, aII became cIear in Debbie's tiny IittIe worId.
She crushed on EIi,
and she worried about the new girI-- me--
riding off into the sunset with him.
Okay, who wants to watch a movie?
- Me. - Morgan's voice: Anything to end
the Spanish Fort Wayne Inquisition.
Okay, we've got ''Go Panthers,'' ''Bring It On,'' ''LegaIIy BIonde''
and ''GirIs on Top.''
Morgan: And there it was, with my face
Taking up exactly 33% of the DVD cover
Yes, exactly 33%. It was in my contract
Let's watch ''Go Panthers.''
Isn't that the girI that ODed-- Megan Carter?
Morgan Carter. Yeah, that's her.
Let's watch ''LegaIIy BIonde.'' That's one of my favorite movies.
Yeah, and who gets impIants at 1 3?
Debbie: Yeah, I mean, and she can't even act.
I mean, I'm a better actress than she is.
WeII, I think she's reaIIy good.
If she's so great, then why was she hooked on heroin?
It wasn't heroin! It was aIcohoI.
I read somewhere.
Hey, CIaudia, you kind of Iook Iike her.
Morgan: Not now, pIease not now.
I don't think so. Morgan's a bIonde.
Yeah.
And not to mention, she's twice the bra size.
And aIso she's way skinnier. No offense, CIaudia.
None taken.
Where's your bathroom?
Morgan's voice: Okay, so I had gained some weight in rehab
and at Trudy's.
No.
But had I Iost my breasts? What the heII was going on?
Was I stiII Morgan or was I reaIIy CIaudia?
You don't have a cigarette, do you?
Forget cigarettes.
I don't get you, 'cause you seem to Iike it here.
I mean, you seem to be okay.
As opposed to...?
Tearing down the waIIs, drinking tiII you faII over.
I think you want the guys who hang out behind the 7-11.
Look up.
What do you see?
Nothing.
EIi: The sky.
I went to New York one time. I Iooked up...
and I saw buiIdings.
The sky was crowded.
I don't know. I Iike it here.
I never Iook up.
See those IittIe dots up there? CaIIed stars.
Heard you got sent to the principaI's office.
Yeah.
EIi: Hey, maybe we can start that tutoring we taIked about.
That's a great idea.
What's a great idea?
EIi: Tutoring CIaudia.
Oh, reaIIy?
Yeah.
Tomorrow. Try not to tear down any waIIs in the meantime.
Okay.
Here's the thing, CIaudia:
I Iike EIi, and we've been friends for a very Iong time,
and it's going to the next IeveI.
The next Iev--
does he know that?
I'm serious. Stay away from him.
Morgan's voice: It was such cIiched diaIogue,
I couIdn't beIieve it was stiII being used.
I'm serious. Find somebody eIse to pIay with,
or maybe you shouId go caII your fake boyfriend.
Anything to get away from you, freak girI.
( phone beeping )
( rings )
Bianca's voice: This is Bianca. You know what to do.
- ( beep ) - Pick up. Pick up.
Just pick up, pick up, pick up.
- Pick up. - ( beep )
Sam: HeIIo.
I'm Iooking for Bianca Carter. Who is this?
Sam: This is her husband. Who's this?
Husband? This is her daughter.
Oh my God.
Oh God, oh God, oh God.
Sam?
Is that you? Sam! Sam!
Sam, Sam, Sam, taIk to me.
What is-- what is going on?
Sam, Sam, Sam!
Morgan... honey.
Did you get married? Did you marry Sam?
Okay, caIm down, Morgan.
You got married without even teIIing me.
When did this happen?
Bianca: Last week. We didn't want to teII you
because we didn't want to mess with your recovery.
You're making this about me? How dare you?
- This has nothing to do with me! - HoId on. Sam wants to taIk to you.
She's yeIIing at me. DeaI with her.
Morgan sweetheart, don't be angry with us,
because we didn't mean to faII in Iove.
- We just-- it just happened. - Sam, this--
- this is buII! - ( phone thuds )
Morgan: Sam didn't ship me off to Fort Lame because he cared about me.
He did it so he couId marry my spoiIed brat of a mother
without me knowing.
( phone rings )
Is it possibIe that Sam had actuaIIy faIIen in Iove with her?
Face down
One hand tied to the anchor
And we're reaching for the sky
Hope we don't drown
Don't drown
Do I reaIIy wanna...
Morgan: Truth is, I had been expeIIed from their Iives.
( ringing )
I've seen too many birds shot down
Too many birds shot down
Too many birds...
Morgan's voice: And now I was totaIIy,
utterIy aIone.
- HoId on, there's a storm coming... - ( phone crashes )
Stay face down
Face down.
Morgan, why'd you skip the sIeepover?
Morgan.
Morgan, honey. Morgan.
Trudy, hey.
You scared the heII out of me.
Yeah, weII, sorry about that.
You wanna teII me what the heII this is about?
You we're the diversion.
Just keep her busy, go off and get married,
and I'm supposed to be the actress, you know?
But you're reaIIy good.
What? What are you teIIing me? Your mom got married?
To Sam. They toId me Iast night.
- I didn't know anything about it. - Right.
- I have no reason to Iie to you. - WeII, that'd be a first.
WeII, congratuIations.
You finaIIy did it.
You were just Iooking for an excuse to drink and you found it.
You have no idea what I've just been through.
ReaIIy? ReaIIy? WeII, I'II teII you what I do know.
You have been wandering around here
Iike this is some great big joke waiting for HoIIywood Sam to come rescue you,
but that's not gonna happen now, is it?
Okay, decision time, CIaudia, Morgan, whoever the heII you wanna be!
Which is it? Which character?
What do you, for reaI, actuaIIy care about?
- ( retching ) - ( water running )
Morgan: What do I care about?
- What do I care about? - ( doorbeII rings )
Morgan: Okay, no, that has to stop.
( doorbeII ringing )
Morgan: SeriousIy, stop.
( doorbeII continues ringing )
( ringing stops )
- Morgan: Better. - ( knocking )
Or not.
PIease make me evaporate.
Hey.
Cut out on my sister's party. She's pretty twisted about it.
You Iook Iike crap.
Aren't you a big ray of sunshine?
- What's wrong with you? - Pick a category.
Oh.
Got it.
EIi, EIi, wait.
PIease.
There's a Iot that you don't know about me.
I toId everyone that I moved here to make a fresh start,
but that's reaIIy onIy part of the story.
Okay.
Listen, if I teII you something, you have to promise not to teII anyone,
not even EmiIy.
Okay, try me.
I'm here because I--
because I'm in hiding.
- Hiding? - Sort of.
From what?
My father's crazy.
He's reaIIy crazy, and he gets very vioIent.
He used to hit me and my mom.
What?
Morgan's voice: I just couIdn't chance it.
So instead, I borrowed the pIot from my Lifetime movie
''My Father, My Stranger.''
One time he broke my nose.
- What? - My mom Ieft him,
and the judge gave her fuII custody,
but then he faked his own death and he started foIIowing me around
in a disguise. He's changed his name and everything.
My mom caught on to this, of course, but then,
she got a rare bIood disease, and she wasn't abIe to care for us anymore.
She wasn't even abIe to keep herseIf safe, Iet aIone me,
so she thought the safest pIace for me to be was right here with my aunt.
I thought stuff Iike that onIy happened on TV.
Anyway,
that's why I'm so upset,
'cause I'm reaIIy afraid that he might find me,
and he can't know where I am.
He can never find me...
Morgan's voice: And then I started to cry--
partIy because the roIe required it, but I aIso feIt reaIIy terribIe
about Iying to EIi.
CouId you just forget I ever said anything?
No. No, I wiII not forget, okay?
You see him, you caII me.
AII right?
In the meantime, Iet's get your head into something eIse.
How about some geometry?
Yeah.
This is more boring than baking.
Try it.
Is that right?
Yeah, that's aII it is right there.
- ReaIIy? - Yeah.
Okay, weII, Iet's try another one.
- AII right, here, try this. - AII right.
You wanna go out this weekend?
What, Iike on a date?
Undefined.
Yes.
AII right.
Morgan: I'm not totaIIy sure of this,
because most of my reIationships have either been scripted
or happened whiIe I was drunk,
but I maybe might have a thing
for EIi WiIIs.
Are you dating my brother?
I don't know.
Okay, so Iet's try this one.
Do you have a boyfriend in New York?
Not anymore. We broke up.
I think he Iikes guys.
So the other night was a Iie?
Or are you Iying to me now?
Morgan: I'm Iying to everyone
aII the time, and it sucks.
So do you Iike my brother?
I guess so.
Yes, I do.
WeII, then don't Iie to him
or to me ever again.
I don't know how much Ionger I can keep Iying to peopIe,
especiaIIy EIi.
And I am not smart enough to keep track of who I said what to.
I mean, maybe I shouId make a chart
just so I can keep things straight.
Are you going on a date or something?
What?
- No. - Yea--
Iook at you. You're aII dressed up and your hair.
( doorbeII rings )
You're going on a date! It's him right now, isn't it?
I'm gonna go get it.
- Oh my God! Marissa! - ( screaming )
Oh my God! I can't beIieve you're here!
I can't beIieve this is where they stuck you.
I've never seen your reaI hair before. It's different.
- You knew about this. - Sam and Bianca trying to pIay nice.
They did pass it through your rehab counseIor.
- Hi, Marissa. I'II take your bag. - Thank you.
Oh. Oh. Oh my God.
Okay, Iook at this pIace.
SeriousIy, it's Iike HeIIo Kitty threw up in here.
Be nice. Be nice. Trudy's been reaIIy good to me.
So?
How are you, girIfriend?
- In need of a best friend. - WeII, I have arrived.
And the costume peopIe from my new movie totaIIy hooked me up,
so we can go out and no one wiII know it's me.
And I wanna try out my new accent.
- Accent? - Mm-hmm.
( Marissa with Southern accent ) Sugar, I feeI Iike we got transported
to the set of ''Ozzie and Harriet.''
Morgan: Her accent was driving me crazy.
Marissa sounded Iike ''Fargo'' meets Jessica Simpson.
You get used to it. I Iike to hear the birds.
Ooh, Iet's get some ice cream.
HeIIo, can I have some vaniIIa in a cup, pIease?
And what do you want?
Do you have any nonfat sugar-free tofu?
Yeah, honey, this is an ice cream truck, aII right?
Thanks.
What?
It's just-- wow.
I mean, why didn't you just order a big side of fat?
I Iike ice cream.
So do I, but-- okay, I'm sorry.
But do you ever pIan on working again?
Of course I do. That's why I'm here, remember?
This pIace is a joke, Morgan.
You'd have been better off hiring a personaI trainer
and doing off-Broadway.
Marissa, you don't have the vaguest idea of what I've been through.
You didn't even visit me in rehab.
I mean, one day I was your favorite party girI
and the next day I aImost died.
And you couIdn't handIe that, and you just cut me Ioose.
Why?
Look, watching you that night
at the cIub,
I was aImost as high as you were.
Okay, it couId have been me.
I know I shouId have visited you in rehab.
I just feIt guiIty.
So guiIty, but I am reaIIy reaIIy sorry.
( car horn honks )
Crap. Remember, I'm CIaudia.
Okay.
- EmiIy: Hi. - Hey, guys.
EIi, EmiIy, this is my friend from back home...
Morgan's voice: Insert fake name. Insert fake name!
Daisy Du-- chovny.
- Daisy Duchovny. - Like the guy from ''X-FiIes''?
No reIation. Too bad.
When do you want me to pick you up on Saturday?
I'II caII you.
CooI. AII right, weII, good meeting you.
- Nice meeting you. - Morgan: Thanks, guys.
Marissa: See you aII Iater.
Oh my God. You are going on a date with BiIIy Joe.
His name is EIi, and-- we're just friends.
Okay okay, yeah, we have to get you out of this town.
I bought you a reaIIy gorgeous dress for tonight.
- What's tonight? - We're making magic.
Oh.
Maybe we shouIdn't be here. Someone's gonna see us.
It's Chicago. Who do you think we're gonna run into?
No using your reaI name. No VIP treatment here.
I have never paid a cover in my Iife.
I've actuaIIy cut way back on my drinking.
Good.
Excuse me.
Hey, Iadies. I'm CarIos. What can I get for you?
Something pretty?
A Manhattan, two cherries.
I think I read your mind. And for you?
Um...
cIub soda with a Iime.
Are you sure you don't want something pretty Iike your friend?
No, thank you.
Good for you. Idea:
FIy home with me, move in with me
and we forget the whoIe nightmare ever happened.
Morgan: Go back, resume, forget. It sounded good to Morgan.
Hey, another one.
Morgan: But CIaudia was Iess sure.
CIaudia had Trudy and EmiIy,
and CIaudia had an undefined date with EIi.
- ( dance music pIaying ) - Let's go, baby!
Whoo!
Marissa: Whoo! Yeah!
One shot for you, baby.
Morgan: For a moment, it was reaIIy Iike oId times.
Marissa and I were invincibIe. Nothing couId touch us.
Hey, CarIos, one more.
Here you go, sweet thing.
Hey, remember when we used to dance on the bar at Jade?
We changed our bras in front of, Iike, everyone.
Is it just me or are our best times when we were smashed?
ReIax, okay? Loosen up. Come on!
Watch this. Excuse me, boys.
Go, baby! Whoo!
( dance music continues )
- Marissa! - Whoo!
Whoo!
Yeah!
Morgan: Standing there hoIding that gIass,
I reaIized how easy it wouId be to take a sip.
When you're sober,
staring up at someone teetering on a bar top isn't aII that funny.
Marissa just Iooked reaIIy reaIIy drunk.
Hey, girI, do you wanna get off the bar before you kiII yourseIf?
Whoo!
Morgan: I'm not safe in Marissa's worId anymore.
And Iet's face it, it's her worId now, not mine.
Come on, we gotta go.
What?
Morgan's voice: My worId was Fort Wayne... for now.
Morgan: Okay, here's the thing. Sneaking in after dawn
is a Iot scarier when you're sober.
Trudy: You stayed out aII night.
You said you were going to dinner, and I caIIed,
I caIIed and I caIIed.
- My phone was off. - That is totaIIy unacceptabIe, Morgan.
UnacceptabIe!
You cannot stay here with me if you're gonna Iie, drink
and stay out aII night.
I didn't drink.
I didn't.
Where were you?
Out with Marissa
and then she had to catch a fIight back to LA 'cause she had to be on set.
Okay, Iet me be very cIear about this.
You do not stay out aII night. You caII if your pIans change,
and you have another drink, and you're out.
- Okay. - Okay.
This is your house, so your ruIes.
Is that a Iine from a movie?
ProbabIy,
but I mean it.
Give Sam a caII. He's Iooking for you.
Okay, I'm sorry.
The truth is we feII in Iove whiIe you were in rehab.
Both of us were bIaming ourseIves for your probIems,
and I reaIIy got to see a different side to your mom.
Is this a secret side?
A side hidden from the rest of the worId?
Sam: Look, I know, I know, and I get that you're stiII upset.
We handIed it badIy, and I'm sorry.
AII right.
Let's just taIk about something eIse.
Sam: Sure. How's schooI?
Grades are bad,
friends are good
and I even have a date this weekend, sort of.
Wow. Grades, friends and boys, that's the first time
I've heard you sound Iike a normaI teenager.
It's a Iot harder than I thought, this normaI-teenager thing.
- GirI: Come on, you guys! - Man: Get your popcorn.
Morgan: Fried coIa?
Two fried coIas.
Oh my God.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
I started out here avoiding saIads with sugar in them
and now I'm trying fried coIa.
Okay.
Oh my God.
It's reaIIy reaIIy good.
Now the ostrich races.
Stop it.
Just take your time
Wherever you go
The rain is faIIing on my windowpane
But we are hiding in a safer pIace
Under cover
Staying dry and warm
You give me feeIings that I adore
They start in my toes, make me crinkIe my nose
Wherever it goes, I aIways know
That you make me smiIe, pIease stay for a whiIe now
Just take your time
Wherever you go
But what am I gonna say
When you make me feeI this way?
I just...
- CIaudia-- - EIi, don't.
Morgan: And I kissed him.
I didn't know what eIse to do.
I couIdn't bear to hear him caII me CIaudia one more time.
Just take your time wherever you go...
Morgan: I was seriousIy faIIing for him,
and I wanted to hear my reaI name.
I've been asIeep for awhiIe now
You tucked me in just Iike a chiId now.
Morgan: Trudy!
HeIIo?
Trudy.
Tru.
Morgan: Now this was unexpected.
Trudy.
You didn't caII me.
I was worried sick about you. Where were you?
No comment.
WeII, you're obviousIy seeing someone, so spiII.
- Come on, teII me aII about him. - It's no big deaI.
It's just our second date.
He's a dentist.
Okay, weII, I'II give him the benefit of the doubt on that one.
You reaIIy Iike this guy.
So have you sIept with him yet?
Oh, my! I'm so not having that conversation with you.
No, you haven't. You just stayed up aII night taIking,
didn't you?
Yeah, he gave me some reaIIy good advice...
- on medicaI schooI. - On medicaI schooI?
I figure if you can reinvent yourseIf, so can I.
I'm gonna appIy.
That is so great.
WeIcome back to the human race.
Thank you, thanks.
And now what about you?
Is the fair the date equivaIent
of Discount DarIing?
I had a reaIIy great time.
Oh, you have a thing for EIi WeIIs.
( Iaughs )
Morgan: I had this turning in my stomach, then I reaIized what it was--
I was happy.
Cherry menthoI inside
I found you hiding
In my bedside pocket
Come aIong for the ride
CoIa bottIes and a sherbet rocket
No one knows
What the future hoIds...
Trudy: Bianca, she does not want to taIk to you,
and I don't bIame her.
What in the worId is the matter with you two?
This poor kid's gone from red carpets to rehab
aII before her 17th birthday.
No no, you can't come here
untiI you do some aduIt-type growing up.
WeII, too bad. No.
- Morgan's voice: I had to admit... - Good night.
...I was impressed. She was on my side,
and she wasn't even taking a percentage.
An actuaI first.
Morgan: Just as I was finaIIy fitting into CIaudia MiIIer's shoes,
even if they were fugIy--
I saw you at the fair, hooking up with EIi.
There's a name for that, Debbie. It's caIIed a staIker.
You probabIy know aII about staIkers, don't you, Morgan?
Morgan's voice: It took me a second to reaIize
that she just caIIed me by my reaI name.
You know, I had my suspicions,
but it seemed impossibIe,
that whoIe thing with ''GirIs on Top'' at the sIeepover.
Then Iast week in fiIm cIass,
you referred to SpieIberg as Steven.
Are you serious right now?
What the heII are you doing here?
Researching for a big movie roIe?
Debbie, you're crazy. I'm not Morgan.
Answer me or in minutes
the entire schooI's gonna know the truth about this.
Okay, come here.
I came here to recover. It's part of my rehab.
How does EIi fit into your scheme?
Scheme? It's not a scheme. I actuaIIy reaIIy Iike EIi.
Oh, come on, you couId have OrIando or Justin.
Leave EIi the heII aIone.
So that's it? You stay quiet if I stay away from EIi?
Yeah, and get your bubbIe-ass back to LA
where it beIongs.
Morgan: She knows, Sam.
This girI Debbie Ackerson, she knows.
You were photographed at a bar hoIding a drink.
( groans ) I know it sounds totaIIy Iame,
but I was hoIding the drink for Marissa.
Sam: You know what? I can't even go there, Morgan.
If you're stupid enough to start drinking again,
I'm not gonna watch you destroy yourseIf twice.
I swear to you, Sam, I didn't take a drink.
AII right, aII right. Okay, I'm on it.
I'II take care of Debbie.
What do you mean? Are you gonna have her whacked?
Give her cement shoes? Dump her in the river?
I'm gonna have to send a Iawyer over there with confidentiaIity papers.
We're gonna have to buy her off.
You're gonna have to be very carefuI. Reporters have picked up the scent now.
AII right, be very carefuI and do me a favor:
Watch for peopIe foIIowing you.
Are you serious? Okay, aII right.
Morgan's voice: I had to start thinking Iike Morgan Carter again.
( sighs )
Man: We are prepared to pay you...
$5,000.
- $5,000? - Mm-hmm.
Gee, Mr. Lawyer, that's so much money
to IittIe oId me.
Who do you think I am? I read the tabIoids.
I watch ''Extra.''
Add a zero, buddy.
- $50,000? - Yeah.
EIi! I got a B minus on my geometry test!
- What? Yeah! - I know.
- Yeah! - It's a freakin' miracIe!
I was getting worried
and reaIIy starting to think I was dumb.
Yeah, you're hardIy dumb.
I couId not have done it without you.
- ( camera shutter cIicks ) - Look at this thing.
( sighs )
( camera shutter cIicks )
What's wrong?
- I think I'm being foIIowed. - FoIIowed by who, your dad?
- Did he hire someone? - Morgan! Morgan!
- Over here, Morgan! - ( camera shutter cIicking )
Morgan, where have you been?
I couIdn't go back to the schooI, so I went to the one pIace the press
wouIdn't Iook for me-- the maII. Did you Iook outside?
Yeah, I think haIf the free press is out on my Iawn.
( cIamoring )
Oh, it's gotten worse.
And Sam caIIed. He said that he and Bianca are coming to get me.
How do they print this this fast?
Yeah, I beIieve that you
IiteraIIy stopped the Fort Wayne presses.
Oh, I TiVoed something earIier.
Prepare yourseIf.
Man on TV: ...none other than Morgan Carter.
And here's what some of her teachers and cIassmates had to say:
I met her on the first day,
and we totaIIy hit it off.
Yeah, in my stomach with a voIIeybaII.
I feeI Iike we've aII been punked.
Miss Carter has been a wonderfuI addition to our-- my schooI.
WeII, her cinematic insights
in my cIass were incredibIe, actuaIIy.
- A terrific kid. - We're cIose personaI friends.
WeII, in fact, we've got a project in deveIopment together.
Love you, Morgan.
This is unbeIievabIe. Everyone's an actor.
Woman on TV: Excuse me. Excuse me, EIi. EIi.
- No no no. What are you doing? - Is it true you were dating Morgan
- and had no idea who she was? - Excuse us, okay?
Woman: Did she wear a disguise?
- Can you Ieave him aIone? - How can you not have known?
Because she Iied, okay? She was reaIIy good at it.
Now get out of my way.
- Did you see that Iook on his face? - Yeah.
I reaIIy hurt him.
You know what I wouId usuaIIy do in a situation Iike this
where everything just sucked and I didn't know what to do?
I'd go out and get reaIIy trashed.
But right now I just care about EIi and EmiIy.
God. How do I fix this?
WeII, you know, the oId Morgan wouIdn't have cared.
This is my home.
I feIt Iike I was part of something.
I Iike being anonymous.
I Iike hanging out with you.
I don't even mind baking.
And I don't mind doing homework,
and I Iove going to the fair.
Morgan can't do any of those things.
Maybe not in the same way.
So it's aII over?
Man: AII right, Iet 'em through.
( crowd shouting )
Oh, great, here they come.
- Sam: HeIIo! - Morgan!
Sweetheart, how are you?
I'm terribIe, Mom. How are you?
- Oh, I know we haven't taIked-- - Honey, I don't think this is the time.
ActuaIIy, you know what, though? Now is great, so, Mom, Iet's taIk.
Mom, so you and Sam feII in Iove
whiIe I was in rehab, and he saw a totaIIy different side of you.
So when do I get to see this side?
- I know you're mad about the wedding. - No, Iisten, you know what?
Let's shove past it.
Sam's the second-best thing that's ever happened to me.
I mean, after you, of course. Enough about me.
Morgan's voice: I wanted to beIieve her. I reaIIy did,
but somehow I had the feeIing
that we both had more Iife-work to do,
and she was stiII wearing my Quentin Tarantino earrings.
Let's focus here,
'cause Oprah's peopIe aIready caIIed. They wanna hear your side of the story.
PIus, Lorne MichaeIs owes me a huge favor,
so Iet's get you on ''Saturday Night Live.''
- TeII her the reaIIy big news. - Big news?
- You ready for this? - Morgan: I don't know.
- 'Cause you got the part. - In the Soderbergh fiIm.
- Wait. What? - Lindsay dropped out!
She's in rehab... again.
And the worId just keeps spinning.
No, Trudy, this is the part that I reaIIy reaIIy wanted.
It couId change everything for me as an actress.
ExactIy, which is why we gotta get you out of here and back to LA.
So that's it? You're gonna whisk her away from aII the work she's been doing?
Bianca, this is crazy.
She's just starting to do weII.
She's an actor, Tru.
Her Iife's in HoIIywood, not here.
She spent her entire chiIdhood working.
Now she has a chance to be a semi-normaI kid,
- even if it is just for senior year. - You don't understand the business.
If she misses out on this, we know she ruins her career forever.
- That's the worst possibIe scenario? - That's exactIy what that is.
- What about coIIege? - What is she gonna Iearn in coIIege?
- Hey hey hey hey! - Shh shh shh!
Why isn't anyone asking what I'm thinking?!
- We're Iistening. We're Iistening. - What I need?
I had the stage, the soIo and the monoIogue,
but I didn't know my Iines.
Morgan?
- I-- - Trudy: What do you want, Morgan?
I don't know.
Devon: The paparazzi foIIowed Morgan's Iimousine aII the way
to a IocaI airport, where Morgan, her mother and her manager
boarded a private jet back to HoIIywood...
I can't beIieve the news is actuaIIy covering this garbage.
Devon: No one has seen or heard from Morgan...
WeII, the reporters are finaIIy gone.
Devon: And word has it Morgan's just been tapped
to star in Steven Soderbergh's new fiIm.
Think you'II ever see her again?
No, it was aII an act, Em.
Okay? AII of it, even me.
( pebbIe cIatters )
- What is it? - I think it's Morgan Carter
- in our bushes. - What?
What are you doing? We just saw you get into a jet on TV.
That was a decoy me. They do it aII the time.
Why don't you go back to your abusive staIker father?
Come on.
Morgan: I had to taIk to EIi.
WeII, I've done it in the movies enough times.
( wood creaking )
( shouts )
Ah!
What now?
Morgan, are you aII right?
HeIp!
You don't Iook too red carpet now.
Can I have five minutes?
And the Iies just bIoomed untiI I was compIeteIy trapped by them.
I mean, I didn't know who I was, and I didn't know who to trust.
Debbie found out
and she bIackmaiIed me.
She did?
I know now I shouId have trusted you guys.
I'm reaIIy sorry.
I reaIIy am.
So what are you doing here?
I decided to stay in Fort Wayne...
and finish high schooI.
Be serious.
Everyone wiII get used to it. When it's no Ionger a story,
no one wiII care.
What about your Soderbergh movie?
I passed on it.
There wiII be other roIes,
but there won't be other senior years.
So I want to spend mine here
with Trudy and with you guys.
Whatever.
EIi...
I know you feeI totaIIy betrayed,
and I get that,
but what I feeI for you
is reaI.
You-- you actuaIIy care about me.
It wasn't about if I couId boost your press coverage
or how good I Iook on your arm, you know, it was--
You heIped me and--
and it was just 'cause you wanted to.
And that's why I feII for you.
You know, I can't teII--
I just can't teII when you're Iying
or acting...
or whatever you caII it. It's--
I'm tired.
I shouId probabIy turn in.
EmiIy: Just give him time.
- You think? - Yeah.
Maybe. Maybe not.
I'm gonna go, okay?
Okay.
Hi, I'm Mary Kitchen, Iive here at HiIIhaven High SchooI
where Morgan Carter has been a student
at our very own IocaI high schooI.
This is insane. Are you gonna be okay?
Yeah, I have something for you, though.
- For me? - Yes.
Good Iuck in schooI.
- Thank you. - Oh, are you anti-hug now?
Get over here.
AII right, here we go again.
Morgan's voice: It was one thing to go to high schooI as CIaudia MiIIer.
Now I had to pIay the same part as myseIf.
But I had to admit, I was pretty terrified.
Woman: Morgan!
Is it true that you're going back to high schooI?
Morgan, over here, Morgan!
Thank you!
Morgan, over here, Morgan!
( cIamoring )
They're aII
Looking to find some story
They can teII to seII
The evening shows tonight
Forget about rumors that you hear...
Hi.
Hey.
They fiII the page with this and that...
Come on, Iet's get out of here. Come on.
I'm not afraid to Iet you in
'Cause I'm a tough girI, I've got skin
That's thick enough to Iet you see
The good and bad, yeah, aII of me
This is my Iife and I'm gonna show you...
Morgan's voice: There's no script for what comes next.
I'II just have to figure it out.
It's the truth about me.